In order to accept the responsibility of being a Warrior (in my estimation) I have outlined a bunch of different concepts throughout this series of posts that Warriors should aspire to in an effort to fulfill the necessary and important role of the Warrior in their communities. In between bits and pieces of environmentalism and political commentary, a structure has taken shape that has it's own direction and velocity and I am unable, nay, unwilling to escape it's grasp. You see, I have come to terms with who I am even if I have not yet discovered every tiny corner of my heart. I know myself and I am comfortable with who I am and what I believe. I am comfortable with this because I have educated myself. I have some college but have not received a degree yet. While I believe that a college education has many merits, I also believe that the education that I have provided for myself is what makes me an asset to my community.
I'll take the opportunity here to explain a few things about myself that you may want to know. Perhaps you do not want to know and you are welcome to skip it though I will try to be brief.
It was not that long ago in my life that I was a self serving, misogynistic prick. I was a walking hormone and a great believer in Republican/conservative rhetoric to the degree that I would nearly live and breath by it. I was an angry person then and rhetoric of any kind is like air to angry people. It gave me a sense of purpose to think that if I joined the NRA and voted Republican I was actually making a difference in the world.
Long ago, I saw a shadow on my wall that was cast by nothing. There was nobody there and yet the shadow danced and waived until I screamed for my parents who came running and the shadow disappeared around the darkened edge of my door before they could see it. That among other experiences in my early life led me to understand that there were beings beyond plain sight that I could not explain and I spent a good portion of my adolescent and teenage years trying to learn more about what it could have been. At that point in my life I had only been exposed to Christianity in any legitimate way though I had read about Wicca and other Pagan religions I passed them off at the time as being a bit of lunacy mixed with misdirection.
My father is so Agnostic he is nearly Atheist, my Mother was raised Methodist and until recently my Brother was a Deacon at his Wesleyan church. My older sister is Mormon. My early spiritual upbringing was far from non-existent, it was all over the place presenting me with a variety of avenues I might approach (all of which were Christian tradition) and then I met Beth. Beth was a 35 year old woman fresh out of an abusive relationship when we wound up together. She was a Wiccan and she first introduced me to witchcraft when I was 24 years old. Up until that point I knew a bit about Wicca from reading but learned a lot more about the practice from Beth. During our 3 month courtship, I bought a book about the Northern Tradition called "The Rites of Odin" and while I knew little enough about it even from reading decided then and there that I was what you might now call a "Heathen". Shortly after Beth and I broke up I returned to Christianity, got myself a nice Christian girlfriend and joined her Pentecostal church. I had been arrested for operating after suspension of my license (I had been unaware it was suspended for failure to pay a fine at the time) and felt that my life had hit an all time low and that I needed to "Get right with God". So I threw my energy into Christianity though I never actually spent much time in the Church itself. Paganism had left an indelible print upon me and I found that I was much more comfortable practicing my worship of God in the temple he created. Meanwhile I spent a lot of my time listening to conservative talk show pundits and Christian spiritual leaders, eventually beginning to see the overlapping and alarming dissonance that existed between the natural world and what Christianity expected from it.
By the time I met my ex-wife I was an expatriate Christian/Republican and delving a bit further into ecology, environmentalism and earth based spirituality. I met some new friends online one a Witch, the other a Druid and they explained a lot about their personal spiritual philosophy (Thanks Greenman and Donna!) and then I stumbled across a book entitled "The Bardic Handbook" about 7 years ago. I read it cover to cover (even though I was really supposed to pace it out a little). The Author, Kevan Manwaring, described things like honoring the ancestors and Awen and all of these other things that seemed to make perfect sense to me. So I started reading, feverishly, anything I could get my hands on and by the time that marriage ended I decided that I was on the Path of the Bard. Even that felt unsettled to me because it described some of what I identified with but not all.
It was when I was reading a story about Cuchulain, the Hound of Ulster and how he required the people who fought for him to have had a Bardic education to a certain point (I forget what it is at the moment) that I became really excited. It was around that time that my marriage dissolved and I began dating another lady (my current wife) not too long after. Up until that point, she and I had been friends and in fact, many of the books I had read were books she had lent to me. Our long discussions upon the subject of Earth Based Spirituality eventually blossomed into a romance, then a baby and then a handfasting. It was about the time that I joined with the local Pagan community that I realized that being a Bard was always a point along the path for me not the clearing at the end. My wife is the person that taught me how much I already knew instinctively about my own spirituality and how much I had taught myself and over the 4 years we have been together I have expanded that self education greatly.
The point of spelling all of this out is simple. I have a unique set of experiences that swing from one end of the spectrum of human proclivity almost all the way to the other. Even though I am sometimes imperfect with the details, I have an intrinsically accurate intuition about things, people and human behavior. No, I am not claiming superpowers but I also suspect that the cumulative effect of these gifts makes me uniquely qualified to act as a Warrior for my community. Even though these "gifts" as I referred to them have always been there, I have not always been qualified to be a Warrior for any community let alone the tribe I find myself in now. It is only through educating myself that I have can consider myself worthy to be an asset to my community. That is not to say however, that my community feels this way about me. I am, in essence, new to them and they are still getting to know me in many ways. Given time, they will either find my presence productive or unproductive. The early results seem to indicate though, that I am well liked and valued. Even were that not the case you can bet that I will find a way to be useful though because my tribe means more to me than having some level of notoriety. Given time they will find a use for me and if I must raise my sword to protect them, metaphorically or otherwise, I will.
The education of our experience is what makes up the core of who we are and what we are willing to give. Had I never seen the shadow of a man on my door when I was 4 years old I might never have walked this path or learned the things I needed to know before I truly committed myself to it. My life is full of half-hearted attempts to define or redefine myself and what I have found every time is that I have gotten a little bit closer to doing just that until I met this community and was welcomed by them. Here, I have found a place where I am valued, where I don't have to define myself in any way that is based on another persons value of me, where I can be a Warrior and lend my protection and where the protection of others is lent to me.
I would encourage anyone who chooses to walk the path of the Warrior to educate themselves as much as they can. Read history, philosophy, practice social justice and question everything. Learn, then unlearn, then learn again. It is only through this type of education that a Warrior equips themselves with the most important weapons they will ever need and that is wisdom, experience and education. A Warrior needs to know these things because even by example, a Warrior is an educator, an enabler and a role model to others. By living, by acting and by doing, we forge a path that others might follow long enough to forge their own paths as well. Warriors are leaders by default, even when they are not asked to be so.
The important thing to understand in all this, at least in my estimation, is that education leads to action. When we realize that we have been subject to our own cognitive dissonance for too long about anything, the moment of wakefulness that follows can be frightful and disorienting. It is that moment that defines how the following moments will roll forward. Action is necessary to order ourselves and our thoughts and take what we have learned forward with us or sink back into lying to ourselves about whatever it is that kept us in the dark. What is more important is to remember that we all go through this self education and realization. There is not one person alive that is born with perfect knowledge. It is what we do with that education that makes it important.
Educating ourselves is a step that Warriors must face as it is the cognitive reality of seeking internal harmony. Honesty and brevity in understanding our own fears and proclivities and striking a balance with them leads to a cleansing of spirit that allows us to be useful and relevant to our tribe. It is just this concept, that of the Spirit of the Warrior that we will be discussing next.
No comments:
Post a Comment