New friends

The likelihood of shaking a friend loose when making changes in your life is directly related to the speed and angle at which you make the turn.  A turn that takes a month shakes loose a lot of friends, one that takes years allows a lot of people to confusedly hang on and wonder just where in fuck you are taking them.

Often, the problems with change erupt more in your wake than they do in front of you.  Short of dodging unexpected obstacles, the friends that have attached themselves to you (and you to them don't forget) often remember more about the person you used to be, the person they fell in love with than the person you are becoming.

When reaching this place, it is often helpful to remember that you are not the only one changing, they have changed too because change is the only constant.  Many of the friends I have now don't know how to swallow my Paganism even though I have never asked them to.  Certainly it is a subject I like to talk about because it excites me.  I am excited to have found a place where I fit in so well.  A place where people look at me as being a person of value instead of a person to be wary of.  I've heard that from a lot of people who walk a Pagan path, that it feels like coming home and that is exactly how it feels to me.  The issue is that when you awaken to something like this, you make new friends and you meet new people who become friends.  Meanwhile, in your old life, your other friends often feel as though they have been left holding the bag, waiting for you to come back.  It's not that the temptation to go back to those times isn't there.  I used to mix it up, drinking and smoking and having crazy times and I miss it.  The thing is, I just love my life right now, more than I did in those days.  I love my life because I am not longer looking for a rock to hide under, I no longer drink and smoke because there is some hole inside of me that needs filling.  My son looked at me today, he's Two, and asked me about what Mabon is as we were turning our wheel of the year wall hanging.  My wife and I shared a look and a family hug.

What I find is, that the friends I have had don't know or understand what motivates me anymore and I am not certain I understand what motivates them any longer.  The only real contact that we have is via social networking and that is often terse and unorganized.  As we make the turns and changes in our lives, it becomes important to expect that as we change, we have decisions to consider about who we spend time with and why.

Sometimes we have to make the decisions and other times our friends do.  In the end, we all have to decide if we wish to remain old friends or become new friends again.