A walk in the forest...

Looking at the forest I am reminded that we are reflections of nature.  We are constantly changing,   constantly growing and constantly the topology of our inner wilderness grows and changes as well.  Even when faced with a serious trauma, the forest is not defeated.  If burned to the ground a forest does not lose the option of regeneration and new growth.  Sometimes this growth is painful and stunted but eventually the forest of self rises up from its own ashes and on the surface it may even appear that no fire ever occurred but a careful eye will still uncover evidence of the wound.

Any forest is a diverse collection of organisms, all surviving interdependently upon one another and as such is similar to our own nature.  Remove a piece of what makes you who you are and the topology of the forest of self changes drastically.  Each of these different organisms is a piece of what makes us “us”.  Like the forest, the self is a highly complex and intricate system made from an interdependent combination of our experiences, emotions, feelings and knowledge. 

The search for self is a walk through the forest.  The forest is, like the human mind, much more than what it appears to be at the outer edges.  It is the deeper recesses of the forest that hold the character of it;  the places where a spring fed stream feeds the bushes and meadow grasses, the places where lightning has scorched the Maple, the places where howling winds have blown down dead and dying trees.  The places where the earth is laid bare to the ledge from some long ago event.

There are places where the deer munch slowly on clover and alfalfa while the insects buzz around them in lazy circles and the mighty pine trees grow upon boulders left behind after the great glaciers receded.  The character of the forest is defined by the life that experiences these recesses just as the forest of the self is defined by its own experiences.  The journey into self is not an effort to cover up the scars of ancient fires or move away the dead trees.  The journey into self is about experiencing the intricate weave of nature and identity and learning to appreciate the value of cause and effect as it travels throughout a complex system.

There is a difference between those who have information and those who understand that this complex forest of self reveals motivation.  Those who have information fail to understand the living nature of the forest.  To them, it is all about simple cause to simple effect.  1+1=2.  Those who see the forest of self as that which reveals motivation understand that people are more complicated than their actions.

Those who understand the latter often fill the role of guides because they have, at least in part, begun exploring the wilderness within themselves and discovering how interconnected and complex their experience is to their actions.  Such people often become guides to others.  Guides in this sense are more often those people who have seen the forest of the self in its complexity and learned methods of understanding those relationships.  They know people and understand that there are no simple equations that define the self.  They relate their own experiences and hope that in all of that information there may be something that someone else can use to interpret the complex relationships of their own forest of self. 

The journey of self-discovery is a walk in the forest that leads us deeper in to find true meaning.  That true meaning; that which we truly are and wish to be, is the sum of our experience, knowledge, wisdom and emotion.  It does not sit at the center of our forest; it is the sum of all its parts; That sum is our true identity.

The things you own...

I wasn't always on the whole "Material possessions are shit" track.  I would love to have a big house and a brand new car even now but what I always find is that money and resources are better put to use than the way we often find uses for them in our culture.  Instead of asking ourselves "Who will this impress?" perhaps we should be collectively asking ourselves "How will this impress me?"

In the end, we are left alone with our choices.  Ferrari makes one hell of a car and I would love to fucking drive one but of what use is car like that to me as a possession?  I can tell you, it's only use is to make people look.  It has been my experience that those who wish to see the looks on people's faces as they are driving by tend to desire that feeling more than they desire common sense.  For the cost of one $250,000 luxury sports car in fire engine red, one could purchase enough brand new dependable vehicles that will serve the same essential function of getting one where they need to go, to last a lifetime.

My drawn out point is this.  It is not enough that those who are wealthy should enjoy their success or their trust fund or their lottery winnings.  We are taught in this culture that we need to look and act a certain way when we have resources because we are entitled to do so.  If I were to win the lottery, pay off my home, buy a modest vehicle, keep enough of my resources that my family and I could live relatively comfortably for a long time, I would basically only have to spend a few million dollars and that is a pretty cushy life.  If I wanted to boil it down even more than that, I could.  The rest could go to causes or charities.  The only people who would care would be the ones that were happy because I was sharing my wealth and the others would be people of the wealthy elite who enjoy privilege because their lifestyle is what separates them from the "undesirables".  Them and maybe the government because you can't have people offering handouts other than them, it might effect how much control they can establish in the future by maintaining a permanent underclass.  Ouch...that was political wasn't it?

True story:
A person I know began a new job and during training they had to do a rotation on the overnight shift.  So one night they began mopping the floors because under training they weren't technically counted as staff and therefore they were unable to do anything else but observe.  The regular staff person they were paired with for the night asked this person I know, what they were doing.  When he replied he was bored so he was washing the floors, he was told to stop.  I'm paraphrasing a bit here but the explanation he was given was essentially that if he started washing floors, then he would make everyone look bad and eventually the overnight people would be expected to do it every night and he wasn't being paid to wash floors.

Essentially, this story really explains a lot to me about position and privilege.  Most anyone who works an overnight understands that there is a lot more down time than on other shifts but we also make sacrifices as well.  After all, who has a normal life staying up all damn night?  This was a person who became defensive of the fact that they did not want someone who did not understand their privilege (in this case the privilege of free time for whatever) to take that privilege away.  He was establishing that the overnight workers need to protect themselves so that their privilege is not threatened.  When I understood that, I looked around and saw that it exists everywhere and in all spheres. 

The closer you get to the top of the pecking order, the nicer the amenities.  Poor or rich, we want privilege and we make privilege in whatever social structure we cling to.  It exists as both micro and macro.  With that elevation in social status come amenities that we need to be seen with in order to have other people confirm that social status for us.  In essence, the rich are not rich because they have money, the rich are rich because they have money and make damn well sure that we know it.

The worst thing that we could do to the wealthy, status driven elite is to stop buying the shit their corporations shove down our damn throats.  Grow vegetables for the year, have a goat or two, trade services for amenities and stop buying gas to get to jobs 40 miles away.  By the way, I am currently doing none of these things myself.  That however is the same problem that many of us face.  It is all well and good to say that we should or should not do something that will prevent others from riding our collective coattails to the finish line only for them to jump off before the last bend and trot through the finish line without breaking a sweat but that is exactly what we are doing.  It all looks good on paper but when push comes to shove, you need to pay your electric bill and your internet provider so you can make coffee to sip while you are reading my blog and remarking on what an intelligent and intellectually stimulating person I am to write such things...go ahead, soak it in, I don't mind...really.

I am in a place in my life, despite the obstacles, where I am more interested in looking at the money (resources) I commit to owning things than I am to actually owning them.  Sometimes I see something I would really like to have, like a sword, and I need to ask myself what the cost/benefit ratio is.  After all, I could buy a $20,000 Katana because that would be one damn nice Katana, it may even pick up the house after me for that much money, but what is it likely that I will use a Katana for?  If I strap on my Katana and walk out the door one of two things will almost certainly happen.  I will either be questioned by the local police at length about my fashion sense or the next person to own my sword will be pointing a gun at me and making some ridiculous comment about bringing a knife to a gun fight.  The third possibility might be that either of these two options will end up with me being the tragic story of a man and high speed lead projectiles.  Either way, I only wear my sword for certain reasons and none of them include accidentally scaring the shit out of your 70 year old Grandmother at the grocery store.  The point is that owning something that works for me is not the same as owning something that works for you to be impressed with.  I Love my Katana, don't get me wrong and I will brag that thing up like an agent trying to sell Disney the next boy band but it is definitely not a $20,000 sword and unless I have a wealthy Nipponese uncle I don't know about, I doubt I will ever get close enough to even handle one that costs that much.

So right now, I need to remove some clutter and that's going to mean looking at all of the things I "Own" and deciding what to keep and what to give away or sell.  That is a solid first step in making an impact because the nicest thing in my living room is my sword and the next nicest thing is the pile of rocks I brought home from the beach.  Both of these "things" have meaning to me that they may not to others.  In between there are a lot of things I don't need.  What the wealthy elite often take for granted is that we are all looking at their fancy houses and cars and asking "Why can't I have that?" which is what they want us to think.  It distracts us from the concept that we don't really need any of it. Why have we forgotten that value is subjective?

The night visitor...

Unable to sleep I rose from the comfort of my bed and the warmth of my lover's embrace in the darkness.  Finding my glasses I left the bedroom, wandering aimlessly through the kitchen looking for a midnight snack and listening to the soft chirp of the crickets in the light of the kitchen and I heard it like the soft sound of a ghost slipping down the hallway.

"Hooo-hoo-hoo-hoo”

I somehow felt that his hooting was meant for me and at once, naked, I traveled out the front door into the night with my sword in hand. The cool air clung to my body and the mosquitoes made quiet, buzzing nests in my fur as I let go of my humanity in lumbering steps. Reaching the back yard I could hear the gentle rustling of the night scavengers as they made their way through the darkened underbrush on nightly errands, seemingly oblivious to my presence. A car passed on the road outside the house, air whispering up over the hood and brilliant light streamed on the asphalt and for a moment the animals stood still, the noise familiar and worrisome. I could hear the owl again, his lonely call from the tall pine.

"Hooo-hoo-hoo-hoo”

Setting myself on the cool grass I lay out the sword, a Katana with a pine motif on the tsuba, and bow to it. Taking a knee, I introduce the blade to the night air and set the scabbard aside carefully before coming to height and taking a ready position.

"Hooo-hoo-hoo-hoo”

I run through a short kata, using the owl's forlorn cry to meter out the cuts, down, left, turn, down. When he is done I return to ready and wait. By now the mosquitoes have located their stationary target and an insect airforce is attacking me. They drink from my arms, my legs, my head and even my balls are feeling their sting.

"Hooo-hoo-hoo-hoo”

I dance forward and execute four cuts, slightly out of time with the owl's cry because now I am traveling and cutting and the itching seeks to drive me mad. I take a moment to brush some of them away and then again, take a ready position. This time I anticipate the owl's cry, dancing forward, cut, cut, turn, cut. As I fall back to the ready position, I flick imaginary blood from the blade of my Katana, stoop to the place where I lay the saya and, holding it to my left hip, return the blade to the mouth of it's scabbard with an unnecessary flourish. Above me, somewhere in the pines, the owl leaps free of his perch and with a flutter of his wings heads off into the night, having taken time to observe a naked child dancing across the lawn with a silver talon that was made and not grown and desiring prey that was grown and not made.

Here I am

A blog is a voice.  In many cases, it is a voice that joins the howl of the wind generated by thousands and millions of other voices.  For one to be recognized, one must have something new to say and with the world population approaching 7 Billion people, it’s nearly all been said.  Perhaps my voice is a call to find others who feel similarly.
 
The next question becomes:  How do I feel?

Well, the answer to that is complicated in the way it is complicated for anyone on a spiritual path in that any worthwhile spiritual path causes you to constantly and consistently invest in your personal evolution.  My only issue with more mainstream religions is they tend to be so dogmatic that applying their rules to your life becomes about denying our nature.  Religion is a system of control and organized mainstream religions are less about spiritual truth than they are about control.  Now let me be clear that I know and have friends who are Christians and that doesn’t make them bad people.  The reason I can call them friends and they can call me friend is because they have found a spiritual path through Christ that means they don’t need to be a dick about it.  We can look at each other and talk religion and both understand that we feel the other is missing something important about the truth and yet still agree to disagree.  Putting all mainstreamers in the same box is as dangerous and apoplectic as putting all Pagan’s in the same box.  I call myself a Pagan and yet I consider myself a warrior to the point that I train with various weapons, design (and hopefully build) armor and prepare myself for the potential of immediate violence at nearly any moment.  However, there are many Pagan’s who are diametrically opposed to violence in any form.  That doesn’t make them any more right than I am.  My own observation of Nature itself leads me to believe that Nature is a violent place and if we are to accept our nature, it must be a reflection of what we see in the world.  The general mistake that I believe makes most mainstream religion incorrect is not simply the dogma, but the belief that we (humans) are the world.  This concept that the entire earth and in some cases the universe was made simply for us to exist is an unfathomable level of hubris in my estimation and one I cannot accept.  I believe that, like the gods of our ancestors, we are beings on a specific plane of consciousness and are as much the faces of nature as the gods we call to in times of happiness and trouble.  This is far from what I consider to be the troubling and misleading concepts behind Anton LeVey’s narcissistically focused modern “Satanism” which posits that we created the gods and therefore we are gods ourselves.  To me, the term gods simply refers to beings on a higher plane of consciousness than ourselves.  As a metaphor, they are simply on a higher place on the mountain than we are and have a different and more encompassing view of the terrain than we do.  Occasionally, we can call up to them and they may or may not choose to respond and tell us what they see that we cannot.

I have yet to hear the gods as some voice from the sky.  What I do see and hear are the constant mumblings of voices without words;  The wind through the trees, the murmuring of water over the rocks in the creek, the call of a crow over the evergreens.  I hear these things and I realize that I am a part of nature and that nature is a part of me.  Watching nature reminds me how out of balance I am in my own life and makes me aspire towards that goal.  Balance however, is not a state of being, it is a constant act of subtle shifting over a fulcrum.  We can see this when we look at something as simple as the ecology that exists outside of our doors.  I consider the Warrior to be an agent of balance and as someone who is on the path of the warrior, I accept that in order to become a warrior I must find balance first within myself so that I may project it into the world around me.  The hurdles I have are all personal ones but I have made a commitment to reach the end of this quest whether those hurdles trip me up or not.

So what this blog will be about is my path.  How I see things, how I envision our future should be.  Perhaps there will be some nuggets of wisdom for those of you who read this, perhaps not…such is the blogosphere…

I called this blog “The Silver Spear” because I have always been drawn to silver as a protective metal.  It is the symbol of the moon.  The spear itself is an offensive, not a defensive weapon.  Carried by soldiers, hunters and warriors since the dawn of our species, it is the first tool that we developed in which we could protect ourselves from the beasts that hunted us by going on the offensive and hunting them instead.  Here, I will hunt for truth and wisdom as it pertains to my life and perhaps to other lives as well.  It will certainly take several casts of the Silver Spear to do so…